Not to sound like a determinist, but I often think the tendency of North Americans to glibly throw around declarations of choice and independence and free will is a bit naive. I’m talking about me. I’m North Americans.
It’s all well and good to have the belief that there is unlimited potential, but in the day-to-day too often I find myself thinking my way out of taking action in areas I’m unfamiliar with or aren’t particularly accepted in my family or social circles.
This is where these quotes come in: I find myself checked constantly by thoughts of “but what about so-and-so? wouldn’t they have something to say about it? what about my position? what about my responsibilities? what about my reputation?” These considerations are my “fetters of duty” and and “regulations of honour.” And they’re very real influences on my life, and probably on many others’ as well.
The privilege of free action belongs to no mortal; we are tied down by the fetters of duty, our moral path is limited by the regulations of honour, our most indifferent actions are but meshes of the web of destiny by which we are all surrounded.
Redgauntlet
But do they all really deserve equal weight? Who determined them? Are they simply an amalgamation of principles I have inferred apply to me?
Of course there are certainly elements of these obligations that are still worth considering–people aren’t islands, nor do we live in a vacuum. Our actions do affect other people (in the same way theirs affect us), so it is worth taking consideration of when looking at our options.
That said, where do the genuine “regulations of honour” end and “ridiculous prejudices of the world” begin? Because I think, being the habitual people-pleaser and conflict-avoider that I am, I too often ascribe more weight to “custom” than it deserves, letting it restrain me even when no one is asking me to.
My limits cease to be something I test or evaluate and become something I simply default to. Accept. Go with the crowd.
Restrained by custom, and the ridiculous prejudices of the world, we go with the crowd, and it is late in life before we dare to think.
The History of Emily Montague
Not to sound like a cult adopter, but I have begun to realise my own limiting beliefs that lead me to simply rule out possibilities without truly evaluating them.
Sure, there are aspects of my life, things that will significantly impact me that I truly have no control over. But do I complacently overestimate that factor, citing my tendency to “go-with-the-flow” as an excuse for not taking more ownership over things I could control with a bit of intentionality and effort? Do I hide behind “considering others” to excuse my own unwillingness to change? Is it fear of not being accepted if I do?
I don’t want to get too late in life before I dare to think.
Fictitiously Yours 